I live by this
I just watched my first real Youtube video of Kanye. He has always been my artistic hero, but now it is solidified. Kanye is a visionary. He sees things differently. He looks for things to be different. Kanye West gets obsessed with ideas and creates them He does not believe that he can not or will not accomplish his vision. He will do his damnedest to ensure that things go his way. There is nothing that competes with his dedication, creativity, and ability to impact. Because of Kanye, Hip-Hop has become a whole different entity, His introspective, authenticity bleeds through his lyrics. In the interview, he said fans of his music are fans of themselves.
I want to be like Kanye in the way that I will go until my dying breath to make change. I now know that I have two very strong abilities. One, I can envision how ideas can change the landscape of what’s currently happening. Two, I see details in people’s actions, motives, and emotions to properly deal with them and form strong, emotional bonds. The rest of my abilities are not natural and have required many hours of practice and failure to bring up. I also have a strong tendency to get sucked into anxiety about who I am as a person. It holds me back. I rely on clarification from other people. This is alll I truly understand about myself. The rest ebs and flows with my inconsistent, dynamic, and powerful personality. I will always be that fun loving, fearful kid. That’s who the fuck I am. And as Kanye said, Everything I’m Not made me Everything I Am.
So here is the point of what I’m saying. I have a vision, I have a fucking dream. That through the medium of sports, I can change the landscape of racial relations, education, emotional health, community-building all while giving a platform to the economically disadvantaged. It is the one equalizer of this country, That is my fucking dream and I will not stop until sports are useful. Kanye may be a mentally insane, self-obsessed, and a slight meglomaniac, but there is one thing I can say, Kanye West stands for authenticity. And that is my core value.
In sports, the lens is on winning. However, the strength in sports is not its entertainment value, athletic performance, or competition. Sports delivers its affect on the world within story lines of overcoming obstacles and communities bonding under a logo.
In 2009, Drew Brees won the super bowl for New Orleans. Drew Brees, who struggled early in his career, led a struggling city to a championship. I remember hearing on different news sources that people believed this championship was retribution for Katrina. A storm tore through a vibrant community. Not until a sports championship 4 years later did they feel healed.
Another example of community building can be seen throughout the diehard loyalty of Browns fans. Growing up in a suburban just outside of Cleveland, I was first hand introduced the blue collar resiliency of these fans. In my life, the Browns were never considered good. But that never stopped the city from caring. The browns are ours. It was the base of many conversations, friendships, Sunday afternoons, and family gatherings.
I find that moving to Denver, I have appreciated the Browns more than I did before. It is my national representation of my heritage that I can cling to and identify with. Sure, I love football, but I am more about human connection.
Human connection is in the stories of under privileged youth working day in and day out to earn a scholarship to a Div I school. It is in the high school squad of life long friends who probably wouldn’t like each other without the medium of soccer.
When you are on the field, you enter a zone where your focus no longer is focused inward, rather towards and external goal. This change of lens combined with physical activity releases stress and gives youth the space to act without being self conscious. Kids can be themselves and see value in those who are helping to reach the same objective. Sports teach us that being on the same team is much more important than their personality. It creates clear divisions between ally and enemy. It is life with clear measurable outcomes.
Sports have the ability to unite cities, races, people of different backgrounds and everyone in between. If we switch sports from an entertainment based, political entity to a social, community building tool, we can change the nature of this world.
Wind waking me up on the walk to school
Snow flakes frosted leaves
Crunching under my boots
The hour long commute to Lake International
is a hike to a house buried in mountains
Glass windows shattered like trust
A family inside, teachers are parents,
From America’s hollow castle,
Educating students, golden brown from the Mexican sun.
At-home, parents holding their ceiling with 2 hands
Heavy eyes, shaking knees, and a stern face,
Sending their children on public buses
Towards a stable roof and a different life
All of us shining a flashlight
For a stable roof and a different life
Recently, I moved to Denver to find something I have been looking for. Each day, I work with Hispanic children from low-income, west Denver. They have parents that barely speak English, test scores that show they can barely read/write English, and broken hearts that refuse them from learning English. Many have been to juvey or parents who show them no direction. Kids lack love or even the resources to give them hope for a better future. This may sound like another low-income, sob story, but it’s not. It’s a reality that we have to deal with in this world. Since the beginning of time, there have been discrepancies in class. I applaud people like my sister and all the others that enter the battlefield of inner city education. These kids have been given a plight in life that makes it difficult to trust a system that has fucked them so hard. Why would they care? They are minority children living under the pressure of being Hispanic or Black in a society that praises white and Asian cultures. They are stereotyped, beaten down by the media, and living out a self-fulfilling prophecy. They are not expected to succeed and aren’t given the opportunities or time of day to succeed.
So i guess my point is, where do I start? If I can’t control these factors, I don’t know where to go. Not to mention I’m white, fairly selfish, and too scared of failing. There are language, cultural, and racial barriers for a white person ‘to help’. Not to mention many underprivileged people begin with trust issues.
I feel overwhelmed by my skills because I have always dreamed of being a superhero, but clearly I’m not. I’m struggling to balance my passions and my skills to start making a difference. I have huge dreams of creating something that will change the world forever, but I’m 22 with a free spirit and no direction. My dream are big and I know I have the ideas to do something, I just want to do it.
My personal life has been collapsing in on its self and I feel super alone, but hopefully that means I will come out stronger. Life is getting complicated so I have resorted to venting on Tumblr.
Like a sandcastle
Shimmers with the rising sun
Like a shallow tide
Breaks on sandy walls
Like a wandering child
Holds to the castle creation
Like an ocean wave
Beneath forbidding clouds
The child runs
As the sandcastle is washed
In the psyche’s cruel storm
The ocean catches
Trapping him in the undertow
My eyes open, my chest grasps for air