~Oscar Wilde
I returned to the home I knew,
Where the world moves slowly,
And the trees sway softly,
Whispering silent comfort,
Through a suburban commune.
Each step is a memory,
Each scene is serene,
My mama’s emotion, my dad’s devotion.
This love, this life, it’s unmatched.
Though, all must come to its end,
Its time, my journey may commence,
As the fog and brush cover the path,
And signs, like cartoons, say danger ahead!
Even amongst the darkest of days,
When hope may seem lost or astray,
I will know what my parents have shone.
That tiny light buried deep in my soul,
Announcing to the world!
That only love may overcome.
The human condition,
A social cognition,
We move in order,
To the beat of the normal.
Caught in a war,
Between the wicked and the moral.
The scales are tipped,
In favor of the rich,
Our brains receding
Leaders retreating
In favor of pride,
A sad provision,
Just a minor symptom,
Of a massive system.
It’s the comfort we seek,
Or, of which we rely,
A series of contradictions,
Within the human condition.
Have you ever suffocated asphyxiation?
Have you ever touched the indentations
Of indignation?
Abbreviations
Where words were once so gracious
A slender
Render
Of sweet surrender
Inhaled the scent of joy and jubilation
Have you ever made love to forever?
Have you ever kissed Jupiter?
![gottacatchemall:
[ゆけ、カメックス！]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1dieeHFtK1qa8kbzo1_1280.jpg)
Mama Mazur and her best friend (Taken with instagram)
I’m not defined by what I do. I am the essence of life which is just being. There is no guarantee of righteousness. We will make mistakes, there is no perfection. We can only control our intent. Sober, I can’t deal with these thoughts. It’s like I deny them and deny them. Until they become just a fog in my chest.
What’s the difference between a thought and a judgment? Where does compassion meet guilt? Can I lose my ego? My mind is fucking racing. There is a ball of anxiety in my chest. I smoked tonight and just hung out by myself. I’ve been doing that a lot more than when I was with Christen. I guess I am still adjusting to not having constant company to make you feel safe and warm. You just want to be comfortable like before when you could tell someone every thought you had a feel legitimate. Judgment is powerful. It’s places so much pressure to be a good person. Like how I have treated my friends and loved ones for these past years. Its not that I need to change, I just have to be aware of my actions and how they may affect others. But that just requires so much effort. Without support I have had a lot less motivation. Sometimes I think I run purely on removing guilt. Like my compassion doesn’t exist. In and out of thoughts and emotions. My impulses have taken over. I tell myself that your thoughts are self-absorbed. That I only operate purely for myself. So what do I do, operate purely for myself. How can I be kind and fair to everyone. Where does anxiety meet motivation?
Under the Sun
feeling the heat gather
in the forests of May
the birds never stop singing
you rub your hand over
his body to feel the warmth
and the softness made by the
wind and the contours of the cool spring air
mothers twirl their children around
in circles extended by their arms
round and…
Grey clouds make their way,
Over this lonely college town,
50,000 plus walk in silence,
Day to day, class to class,
Building their debt to survive,
The work force, that’s our prize,
Our dreams are now deferred,
Put aside for god damn lies.
Starry eyes are tarnished,
The world I knew, vanished.
These American ideals are garbage,
We work for what? Useless comfort,
Things that distract us from misery,
Getting fucked up to avoid the self.
I want to thrive, but how?
I’m no better than the rest,
Susceptible to this stress.
I want freedom from this ego,
These self involved thoughts grow,
On a continuous course, until,
Next time my emotions explode.
